A Treatise on the Fire Orcs of the Demons Teeth Range, In Which an Argument is Made that the Cult Politics of this Dangerous Race can Illumine the Question of the Obliteration of the God of War

by Pomporous CumDewie, Scholar of the 5th Snoot

Transcribed from the Proceedings of the High Conference on the Obliteration of the God of War,

yr. 821, City of Dictionopolis.

As we all know, we have convened this conference to discuss the ramifications of the apparent obliteration of the God of War (known hereafter as the Former God of War, or FGW) on the civilized world (that is, on the Dewie Nation). Although some have argued against it, we have invited representatives from the barbarous nations on the earth for their insights into the divine psychology of the gods with whom we are not familiar. We have even a representative from the Hooters, from the far end of the earth, and his entourage…I will not continue until this unseemly whistling stops…Thank you…who have kindly dropped by from the Conference on the Grave Threat of the Advancing Ice to Civilization that is convened down the street.

Many have argued that the doings of the barbarous gods of barbarous nations cannot possibly influence the Workings of Heaven as Guided by the Crafty Hand of the Great Maker. Some have argued further that the apparent passing of the FGW is a good thing, that it will inhibit the Scourge, known to themselves as the Fire Orcs, and the other races that press upon our borders. However, I feel that these opinions are shortsighted, and that we must look even further to the most primitive of races, the dreaded Scourge themselves, to reveal the genesis of this deicide.

Now, as we all know, the Fire Orcs are a squat, belligerent, pig-nosed race with powerful digging tusks and claws. They infest the Cauldron and the Demon Teeth Mountains. Since the dawn of time, they have periodically swarmed from their dry holes to kill and consume everything in their path. History tells us of the races that have been pulled into the earth and eaten by this ravening race-the Spartans, the Steglas-bo, the Hooters-bo, the Horta, the Navahoe, and even their own cousins, the Wood Orcs. Traditionally they have worshipped the Three, otherwise known as the Barbarous Trinity, who are made up of the Twins and the One (the FGW). The Twins are, of course, Yultan and Mordak, whom many primitive races credit with the creation of the earth. The Fire Priests of the Twins used to distill the naptha deposits of the Cauldron that the Fire Orcs used with fearsome effect, saturating twisted locks of their hair into slow matches that wreathed their heads in smoke during battle.

The One, the second part of the Three, was Fury, the FGW. As far as we know, the Fire Orcs were the only race on earth, other than the Spartans, to actually worship the FGW. And we know very little about the Spartans, having as a record only a very few bone ornaments taken from the Fire Orcs. The Three, then, formed the core of the Fire Orc mythology. Their creation myth has it that the earth was forged by Yultan and Mordak from the bones of demons slain by the FGW. It is interesting to note that Yultan has been elevated here from the role of a minor forge deity in the workshop of Artifice to the primogenitor of the earth, although all myths agree that he wields the mighty Hammer of Worlds. As would be expected of such a violent race, they give no credit to the directing hand of the Great Maker.

Now, as is predicted by the Theory of Reverse Psychology, a person with aggressive tendencies also carries in him a trait of great fear. So to, I claim, it is with races. We can see this clearly in the mythology of the Fire Orcs. The hold that at one time in their prehistory a significant cult of sun worshippers arose who were pacifists with artistic tendencies, and that this cult was destroyed in the volcanic event that gave rise to the mountain Mordak's Tomb. Thus, they expunge with fire and violence the part of their nature that is afraid of the dark and longs for peace. This is also referred to in the play, "Myth-creation", by the Great Satirist of the lamented Feranyi, in which the aggression of the Feranyi , drawn from them to create a weapon by the Two-Faced God, Byron/Valentine, was stolen by the FGW and given to the Fire Orcs. This important insight provides a link between the hyper-aggression of the Fire Orcs, their aberrant worship of the FGW, and the self-destructive narcissism of the cults of Byron/Valentine.

A further thread in this argument can be seen in the existence of the small but influential cult of Destruction that seems always to have existed alongside the worship of the Three in Fire Orc culture. Little is known of the mythology of this cult, but it seems to be tied up with the role that the Fire Orcs ascribe to Mordak in the eventual destruction of the earth. There are hints that the most secret Fire Orc mythologies give them a significant role in this destruction. It can be seen from this cult that there has always been a significant strain of self-destruction in the Fire Orc's nature, and, as the First Law of Theoretical Theology states, can we not derive the nature of the god from the nature of the man?

Now, to the heart of my argument. Somewhere between the yr. 640 and 645, a significant cult of Bryonism arose in the Fire Orcs. (We can date this with such precision, despite the lack of written records, because the length of a Fire Orc generation lies invariably between 16 and 16.5 years, when the reflexes of a Fire Orc first begin to slow down.) This may have been in cosmic balance to the Great Plague, which devastated the Feranyi in the yr. 643 and turned them to the dark side of sarcasm, or it may have been simply the inevitable rising of that same strain of self-loathing fear. This was also the beginning of the fabled Century of Peace, when the Fire Orcs turned inward in terrible religious turmoil, much to the relief of our ancestors. But, while this may have provided our civilization the breathing room needed to found this great city, it also laid the corner stone of our current situation.

Now, many have enjoyed the masterpiece of the Great Satirist, the play "Myth Universe", which describes the riotous beauty contest of the gods. As with all great works, it contains a seed of truth, speaking of a rivalry between the Twins and Byron/Valentine. This again points to the conflict in Fire Orc mythology between their fiery aggression and fearful self-loathing. In fact, with this second rising of a cult of dark narcissism in the Fire Orcs, fear and self-loathing can be said to have won out, because the Twins turned the Faces away from their people. Now, I know that this is disturbing to many of you, that our gods, however lowly, might abandon their children. But, given the undeniable religious chaos in the Fire Orcs over the last century, this conclusion is inevitable. The ranks of the Byronian and Havocian cults swelled tremendously as the worshippers of the Twins were thrown to the winds. We have all heard of the strange spectacle of Fire Orcs in dresses scattering flowers down the streets of outlying villages, or of whole tribes apparently committing suicide, leaving none to eat the corpses in violation of their deepest beliefs.

Why, many scholars have asked, did the worshippers of the FGW not fall on the pansy-tossers and eat them? This is the heart of the matter, for I believe that they were afraid of their darkest desires. The FGW withheld the hand of his followers-because he was strangely attracted to the Two-Faced god. While some faint-hearted scholars demure, I believe that history shows us that the gods reflect the passions of their peoples. Just as his people could not face those among them who had given in to the siren song of Byron, so too their one remaining greater god could not face his feelings for the Great Corrupter, and fled into dissolution in the Great Void.

What does this imply for us now?

While many shallow thinkers rejoice, I believe that the deicide of the FGW can lead to no good in the world. Already our army has fallen to bickering and busies itself with politics rather than the defense of the nation. Where before a simple soldier would ask for the fortune of war before battle, many pray to demons to aid them in slaughter. The civilized art of war has been lost. We must now guard our doors against ourselves, and work to spread the civilized arts of peace throughout the world, yes, even to the Fire Orcs.

For the Fire Orcs, abandoned by all their father gods, have become a completely nihilistic race. With the diecide of the FGW, all worshippers of Byron/Valentine throughout the world put themselves to the sword. A coincidence? I think not. The remaining Fire Orcs, still a frightening number if traveler's tales are true, have turned inward to their one remaining pillar of faith-their fated role in the destruction of the world. They see the flaming moon as the first sign in their secret prophecies. Who is to say that they are wrong? Prophecies, especially those of the primitive races, whose hearts beat more closely with nature, are not to be ignored. The Fire Orcs are a race entirely devoted to the worship of destruction, lead by Priests of Destruction and Despair, and this must weight heavily in the Karmic Balance of the world.